Istekhara

Salaams.
I know it's been very long since I wrote. But let me just quickly tell you how awesome istekhara is. I mean, I've never been an istekhara person, and I've taken istekhara just once before in life. I do believe it should be resorted to only when one is really confused and can't prefer one option to the other. This time I was confused. But I'm not sure I was logically confused. I was torn between heart and mind. And it just clouded my sense of reasoning. And it was bugging me and interfering with my attempts at studying. It's exam season, btw. Don't even get me talking about it.

So, today I resolved today I'll ask for istekhara. Because I'm a sad person myself, I went to our Imam of jama'at prayers. I've always admired our Imam and my heart completely went out to him because Mashallah he's so kind, and a ma'arif, Mashallah. So after magrib and isha prayers as he was leaving the namazkhooneh, I went after him. And what is up with awesome religious, spiritual people! They just KNOW things from God, you know. I mean, I was like at his back walking soundlessly towards him and he just stopped there at one point, as if knowing I needed something. He honestly couldn't have known that I was behing him. Then told him, "Excuse me, I want an istekhara." He asked me to bring a Qur'an. I hurried and got one and handed it to to him. All this while my heart pounded inside my chest. He recited something, opened the Qur'an, saw a verse, closed it and handed it to me saying, "It's not good." I was like shocked and speechless. I said thankyou and returned. And I felt this immense...bursting joy. Although the result went against my personal wishes, I couldn't help smiling and containing the bliss I felt inside.

I fell into sajdah and said Alhamdulillah. Because Allah had, once again, saved me from falling into immense trouble :) And I felt, once again, conviction in my Lord.