The coming of age

I recently celebrated my twenty-something birthday. It was a rather eventful one, surprisingly. I was surprised with a cake three times during the day. I screamed with joy each time. And I have another 'surprise' coming my way tomorrow. My friend told me over the phone 'Be ready at so-and-so time. We're going somewhere.' 'Where?' I asked. 'God knows.' she says. It pains the heart to have friends like these. Because they will not be around me forever. Each from a different country, will set her own way in a blink of an eye. Life.

But lets talk about my birthday. I was dreading it. Like. Seriously dreading the drawing close of my birthday. It appeared to me as a most horrid day invented by mankind. Birthdays. Seriously. Whoever wanted to be reminded that they're getting older every year. Although a day or two before my birthday I was mentally prepared for it, it really only hit me on my birthday while I was swimming- I was awesome. Lol. Keeping aside all the riya, I meant that my life was awesome. Alhamdulillah. Life was full of blessings. The unhappiness only came about as a result of not knowing how to use those blessings and let them waste away. That was the only reason that made a person sad or unfulfilled.

If we all used our capacities to the fullest (or as close to it), we would not grieve. I mean think about it. I am in Qom. In the best place I could be. Why? Because I could make use of the treasures of knowledge this place has to offer. Hidden treasures. One might think that they can't seem to study anything useful here. But you need patience. And perseverance. If you submit your will to Allah, and pass his test and show yourself worthy of being in Qom, he will open His doors of knowledge and wisdom to you. It is upto you when you want these doors to be opened. God is pure love. And he loves those who sacrifice for Him- sacrifice their time, their sleep, their comfort, their beauty. "The spiritual way ruins the body. And after having ruined it, restores it to prosperity." - Maulavi (Rumi)

But yet, it's not just about the knowledge. For anybody can read books, no matter how obscure or esoteric they might be. It's about the heart. Are you able to sell your heart, and everything within it for God? That is what you need to truly strive for when you have set your path for Qom. And truth is- that is what it really boils down to in the end. Of course, you could do this at any place in the world if you wanted to. But a land that is blessed by the presence of an infallible (ma'sum) quickens up that process unimaginably. If you want it to. That is the important condition. Qom can be great for those who are grateful. But God is intense in His mercy. He even turns the ungrateful to be grateful.

The problem is- we want a truckload of things from God- both material and spiritual. But we aren't ready to GIVE anything to God. We only wish to receive. We wish to scale heights in knowledge and spirituality while keeping our nafs, our desires and our priorities at the top uncompromisable positions. We are not God's servants. 'Ubudiyyah'- true servitude- is the last thing set in our hearts. I was made to give a small speech in my room after the party/gathering for my birthday. The last thing that I said was, 'If we all were to strive for one thing here, let us strive to overcome our nafs; in real, practical and visible ways.' The central part about learning and 'gaining' knowledge is not about gaining. It's about giving. Giving to and for the sake of God.

The bottom line is- If you give your life to God, He will give you an eternity with Him.

ـ رسولُ اللهِ‏ِ (صَلَّيَ اللهُ عَلَيهِ وَ آلِهِ) : العُلَماءُ كُلُّهُم هَلْكى إلّا العامِلينَ ، والعامِلونَ كُلُّهُم هَلْكى إلّا المُخْلِصينَ، والمُخْلِصونَ على خَطَرٍ.

The Prophet (SAWA) said, ‘The men of knowledge will all be ruined except those who acted [upon their knowledge], and those who act will all be ruined except for the sincere ones from among them, and the sincere ones are significant indeed.’

[Tanbih al-Khawatir, v. 2, p. 118]

ـ عن المُفَضّلِ بن صالح : قالُ الإمامُ الصّادقُ (عَلَيهِ الّسَلامُ) : إنَّ للّه‏ِ عِبادا عامَلوهُ بخالِصٍ مِن سِرِّهِ ، فعامَلَهُم بخالِصٍ مِن بِرِّهِ ، فهُمُ الّذينَ تَمُرُّ صُحُفُهُم يَومَ القِيامَةِ فُرَّغاً ، وَإذا وَقَفوا بَينَ يدَيهِ تعالى مَلأها مِن سِرِّ ما أسَرُّوا إلَيهِ . فقلتُ : يا مَولاي ، ولِمَ ذلكَ؟ فقالَ : أجَلَّهُم أنْ تَطَّلِعَ الحَفَظَةُ على ما بَينَهُ وبَينَهُم.

Imam al-Sadiq (AS) said to Mufadhaal b. Salih,

‘Verily Allah has servants who sincerely engage in transaction with Him in secrecy, so Allah gives them from His pure reward and goodness, for they are the ones who will come on the Day of Resurrection with their book of deeds empty, and when they stand in front of Allah, their books will be filled with the secrets that they had with Him’. [Mufadhal narrates], I asked, ‘O my master, why will their books be empty?’ The Imam replied, ‘Allah holds them in such high regard that He does not even want the guardian angels to be aware of what is between Him and them.’

[`Uddat al-Da`ai, p. 194]