Life, again

I think my main problem here revolves around time. It just flies around here! Honestly. And, that I can't have my brain to stop working when I want it to. It desperately needs a switch off button. I've not been sleeping very well from the past 3 days. Or have I? Yesterday I was awoken by the cries of a baby. A two month old living creature. One of the ex mates was visiting and brought it in our room because she's friends with one of the roomies. The baby was cute, no doubt. Although i think i would have taken better care of her grooming if it was my own. It's not that i hate babies or children, in general. I just don't think i'm obliged to like other than my own. I will love my children very much inshallah and will take excellent care of them, Allah willing. And today I was awoken by a text messaage when I'd barely even reached my REM stage sleep. And then my brain just refused to switch off. I miss my mum. She's the only one i can talk to about my embarrasing girly problems :( Speaking of which, I am off praying. I thought of fasting on rooze Arafat which is tomorrow, but I obviously can't now. And I can't attend Eid prayers either the day after that. A, the other day said to me that if she can't offer her Eid prayers, she would be extremely super sad. I looked at her surprised and said the relation of a person (a woman not praying, in this case) and Allah is one of the heart, not the body. And not being able to pray doesn't create a distance from Allah. I told her to do away with such sort of thinking. And now I'm wondering... Am I too casual a person? It didn't matter at all to me when i realised i didn't have to offer my Eid prayers the day after tomorrow. Or fast tomorrow. Doesn't praying and fasting mean much to me? Or it is that i just think it silly to be upset about something that's not in my control. I really hope it's more of the second than the first. The first time that i went to Imam Reza was when I wasn't praying. And that didn't affect the absolute love and conviction i felt there near him, even though i was not physically near him. Or the spiritual high i felt there. Of course eventually i was able to pray and go near the Imam's zari, and that was a totally different and amazing experience as well. I've signed up for painting classes. It's once a week and hasn't started, yet. I hope for it to be a very soothing experience. I remember back in my day when I used to paint it used to bring me so much calmness. Inshallah that it does so now, too. Everything here and everything in my life was sooo weird the past couple of weeks. I'd started taking in my sleep, a lot. Things are less weirder now, Alhamdulillah, somewhat. I've decided I'm just going to chill about Sarf. I think i am already chilled. I can't afford to be stressed. I wonder at myself sometimes how I claim to be strong and yet be so easily affected by extrenal events. I can't exactly figure out myself. So much for "Man arafa nafsa, arafa rabba!" Much more freaky when an almost stranger tells you something about yourself. I remember when I'd just come to Iran, this very nice girl from a far away country looked at my mobile's pouch and i had stuck all sorts of shiny stickers over it, held it in her hand as it fell to the ground, then looked at me for 2 seconds and said, "You're very sensitive, aren't you?" I just stared blankly. So she could figure that out about me after looking at my pouch for two seconds? And I despite of everything, need to write a blog to make more sense out of myself. I'll write more later, if I feel like it. I think it's tea time, yet again. Adios!