Karma (this post is not about karma)

Eleven hours earlier-

What goes around comes around. That's the truth of khabgah. I have my sarf exam tomorrow. I am struck by something of a... I can't describe it. Perhaps because I don't want to. So, I will appear for the exam with the intention to fail and give the exam in summer after the next term. That's definitely not a pretty option. Extremely unpretty because I will be stuck again in khabgah for a few extra days/weeks after school closes for the summer. Perhaps that my 'what comes around' part. Perhaps karma is just meant to wipe away our sins in this world. Just like all or any pain, anxiety and sorrow does. So we don't have to suffer in the next. I want to go home. But I can't. Perhaps it is God's plan.

Just now-

I gave the sarf exam-with no specific intention. I woke up 20 minutes before the exam and went to the exam hall without having even revised. Lady asked me, "Where is your monto, my dear?" with a scandalized face. (I was wearing my short hoodie) I replied 'This IS my monto.' in a disinterested and distressed tone. Now she looked more scandalized and said 'this is your monto?' 'Yeah' I replied not bothering to look at her again and walked over to my place. Killer. Soon enough she came to my place. She looked at me sternly and asked 'What is your name?' I tried not to answer. She said again 'Just tell me what your name is' I told her. She walked away. They don't intimidate me.

When the exam sheet arrived, I didn't look at it. For five minutes I stared into nothing. Then, I just started writing saying to mysel 'God will understand.' And you know what? It wasn't that bad. I will pass. Not with the best marks, exactly. But I won't have to hang on to sarf until the summer. I am finally DONE with Sarf, and I like Nahw. Wow. That realization. And now, I can look forward and prepeare for my more 'interesting' exams like Tafsir and Aqaid. Not Islamic family life (khanewadeh) -.-

So. I didn't run away from it. I faced my fear. And it wasn't even that bad. Karma?