The dark side, and the light.

It's like you want to split your little heart into neat little pieces, and leave each piece where you want. You proceed to your destinations, your hand carrying one piece at a time. You do this until just the last piece of it is left with you. And you don't know what you want to do with it. You place it in your hand for a while and behold it. Your eyes search. For the most worthiest. But you're not sure if you have it in you. To cut off all ties with the world yet. You fear you'll fail all too soon. After all, you are so easily swayed. Still, you make the intention. Your eyes search again. You stretch your hand forward offering your heart. But pull it back towards you in an instant. You can't do it. It's really huge what you're trying to do. But this world is so ephemeral, you remind yourself. You want a miracle. You can't save yourself. You're too weak. You feel hopeless. You collapse to the ground. Your head lowered almost in defeat- holding that last piece of your precious heart, which represents all of you- your 'hasti'.

You are overtaken by sudden urgent tiring sleep. And a dream. You're in that same state and position in the dream. Except that even in that defeated position, your hand is still stretched forward inviting. Hoping after hope. Fervent, mad, desperate than life hope. That that figure of light will arrive to accept that last piece of your heart. And you would finally be released.

And then a vision.

You're in a fabulous, most extraordinary meadow. The grass is so green, you've never seen that shade of green in your whole life. It's so fresh and lively it's exudes florescence. You're sitting having the most amazing conversation with that lady emanting light. You seem extra ordinary happy. She's so pretty. You can't see her facial features too well because of that light radiating from her face. She's wearing a flowy white gown. You're wearing a simple one. No comparison to that of hers. But there's something between you two. Like you're such good friends. And not just any friends. But friends who accept and fully approve of each other. Like she actually likes the fact that you're sitting there talking to her. And we smile. And I smile the biggest smile i've ever known myself to smile.

In a strange way, you're seeing her for the first time but as if you've known her so well. Like a family member. Then it dawns on you that she's always been there- sometimes besides you and sometimes around. You just never noticed her.

You wish it were true. You wish it came true someday.