You know the drill

I'm not going to talk about how I came back to Qom and how things were at the start and how they are now and how i've adapted. I'm just gonna start ranting and not write one thing awe inspiring or educational. Okay? Owing to some technical phone issues that kept me from updating the blog, my posts are going to be mismatched now. But i'll mention when in time I wrote a certain thing. I feel like Nahw 1 is the only good constant in my study life right now. The fact that it is simple right now and understandable, and that the teacher likes me is kinda good. But I don't like a teacher to like me too much or say too good things about me. That throws me off. Too much pressure to maintain that 'smart' image. Only reason why she thinks i'm smart is beacuse my class is filled with dumbos. Sorry for that insulting word. I'm studying Nahw 1 with the roozanehs i.e- the married people. And these married people are well, not too smart. Although, I do know smart married people (Like you, Qum girl) and that other smart Indonesian girl in our class. Boy, she's smart! I don't know how I feel about sarf. Tomorrow is saturday and I have class only for the first two hours. I always wake up sleepy and tell myself, it's ok i'll be back at 10am and i'll sleep again then. But i'm never sleepy at 10. So, I don't like people listening to and singing sad stuff all the time. Like while washing clothes, or cleaning the kitchen, or before starting to recite the Qur'an on the intercom. It's depressing. And I like being happy. I realize I can very offensive if I unleash the real stuff that is on my mind. I guess that is true with everybody. Like today this girl was singing a nauha and I said under my breath, 'Oh, you're singing that silly song again.' So, I need to study. Nothing new. I've enrolled for advanced swim class which is going to be thrice a week. Have I told you how much I love to swim? It makes me feel happy and alive, except when i'm in the small jacuzzi and the Iranian women will stare at me. I know, i'm visibly non-Iranian, please leave me alone. That's why I prefer taking someone with me to tag along me so I don't have to awkwardly stare at my feet in the jacuzzi. Yeah. So the swim class will be with the khabgahis which has it's own pros and cons. Pro is that i'll have company, and con is that there probably will be annoying people, too. Just can't escape the annoying people. I'm trying to be the unapproachable untalkable unsmiling jerk these days. It's working. I'm doing it because it's the basic survival technique, taught by ze fm (yeah, you girl!) Have I told you how much I hate fake people? There's this girl who is too eager to please people around her and for people to like her. I was like that a few years ago, but then I got a life. So there are too many new girls that have been accepted by the hawza. The khabgah is crowded, but with a lot of variety, this time, alhamdulillah. But i'm doing fine Alhamdulillah. I usually camp in the salon these days studying. I just wanna be able to wake up early and study then. But i'm such a human in need for sleep. Mom asked me over the phone how a certain social gathering that I attended was, and I said "It was good, but you know how I feel around human beings." and she laughed and said "Yes, I know." I thought she'd encourage and push me to being more social and extrovert, but aw, she's fine with how I am :) I need people like that around me. Okay, that's all I got for you right now. Inshallah I'll write something more interesting next time. Lol. Till then, keep it real. And. Khodahafez :)