Find yourself first, and then you can find me.

I used to think I'm a night person. I think I still am. So too bad I can't study at night. I think I'm a night person in the sense i do all my thinking quota at night. Actually I keep thinking all the time. Even during mid day when I'm a lil tired and go to my bed to nap. I think while napping. And i also have thinking dreams. I mentally update my blog from time to time. Or i update my thoughts, is more apt. It's like 12.52 a.m on my mobile's clock. It's been a waste, to tell you the truth. Being up using my books as a prop. I think I'm supposed to be all inspirational and all to people setting a good example being the seminary student studying Islam. But well, this isn't a religious blog, or is it? I don't know. This is just my personal ranting space where i blurt out my thoughts in an attempt to prganize them. And as they say, inspiration comes in the most unexpected small things. So, yea. I think I'm gonna study tomorrow then and call it a night. I don't mean i will be sleeping anytime soon, though. I just can't fall asleep before 2 a.m. I'm hopeless that way.

I still can't get a grip of life. I don't know what's up with life. Life, can you please explain yourself sometime soon, i'll appreciate it a lot. I was just lazying in my blankie in the afternoon today  thinking about life and L came to see me. L comes visits me all the time. That's so nice. I started ranting to her about how i don't know where life is heading and she pulled my blankie off me and asked me to come out. Then we went to bug A1. These guys keep me sane. I owe them my periods of sanity. Disgustingly adorable things friends are.

I don't know i'm sad. God's doing the whole testing thing with me. He's been testing me and my patience from a long time now. Sometimes i feel like screaming in frustration as to when He's gonna end it. But then that's how life is. I read a hadith which says the patience of the common people (i.e- us) is greater than the patience of the Prophet or Imaams (a.s) and i was like whoooaa wow! The reason is that the Prophets and the Imaams were aquainted with the ghaib (the unseen) at varying levels hence they're patient. In the sense that they know why they're being patient. They know it's purpose and the outcome and it's necessity. But we, on the contrary, don't really know the wisdom behind calamities or affliction which befall us and hence we might not grasp the concept of why must we be patient completely. And we don't know what's in store for us next. Hence, our patience is greater than the patience of the Imaams! Can you believe that!? Awesome, right.

I got an opportunity to seek revenge for something that had been kinda bugging me for months. And without the essential intention of seeking revenge, i had to undertake a somewhat natural course of action which meant revenge being served for me. It was okay. The happy high feeling lasted for about five minutes and then passed. Revenge is so overrated. Ehh.

So i think I'm gonna go to bed. Listen to some stuff. My earphones have been giving out these weird electric sparks. Sick. I'll have to buy headphones. Soon. They are my life and i can't live without them. Especially if you're forced to be around people you don't like or conversation you don't approve of and you don't wanna debate. You know, there are some people whom i like... HATE. Like i actually hate seeing them or hearing their voice. They're full of pretention and fakeness. I hate fake people. I HATE THEM. And being around them causes stress. Today i almost went off but controlled myself. Humankind, i tell you.

Ahh.. in such times and such circumstances what gives me comfort is my soft warm blankie. And the cover of late night darkness. And my earphones. Or just my thoughts sometimes instead of the earphones. The earphones sometimes silence the thoughts. It's very purpose, at times.

It's gotten very cold. Winter is really not my season (unless it's snowing, which it isn't.) The chills make me feel weak. There's just something elatingly positive about the sun, and it's golden rays when it caresses your skin. In the freedom of cotton pajamas and a cotton t-shirt. A white cotton t-shirt. With flowery pink pajamas. In a green meadow. Our hayaat. Laughter. Love. And best friends. That, is life.

Good night, world.